That sound's really horrible, I know. But, following on from my other post, I am just being honest with myself here.
I do love my man. I know he loves me. And I also know that he loves his kid's with all of his heart. I think he's a wonderful dad, and a wonderful man, and I would never stand in the way of him and his children.
Now, here's the killer part: I wonder if we did have kid's together, if he'd love them as much as he did his other kid's. I know it sounds stupid, but I do wonder if we did have a child together, would it be as special for him as it was for me. I don't have children, so for me, I would be experiencing everything for the first time, and he's done it all already.
Also, I wonder if it would effect his relationship with his children already. I mean, there is a lot going on with custordy with him and his ex, and as I mentioned in a previous post, there's issues going on there already. I don't wanna be the one who stand's in the way of him building a relationship with them, and spending time with them, but what if they hate me?. I haven't met them yet, but I know they don't think too highly of their dad at present (thank's to his ex) and I do wonder if they hated me, where Andrew's priorities would lie?.
I know, I would tell him to put his children first, but what if we had a child together?. What would he do?. I know, I worry too much. It's just in the past couple of day's, I have thought maybe a little too much about the 'what if's' of the situation's that may, or may not, happen in our future.
And, as I've also mentioned, I do wonder if the ex and her new partner, or my man's kids, will spoil our happiness by saying something, or doing something, to ruin our happiness, as they've already started doing. (the ex and her new man, not his kid's, but then again, by them ignoring him, they are making him unhappy, and angry and sad, so that is effecting our happiness) and I dunno, maybe i'm not strong enough to be a step mother.
I'd love to have a happy, friendly relationship with the girl's, but I know in my heart of heart's that is never gonna happen, and it's gonna feel like Andrew has 2 families, and I don't want my kids to have family that they don't know. I grew up like that, and I know how lonely that feel's like. I still don't feel like I properly know who I am.
Maybe I have to think long and hard about my future. And I do love Andrew very much, I just don't know if I'm the right woman to be in his life. It will break my heart if we did break up, but I am starting to think we need to have a talk.
I do love my man. I know he loves me. And I also know that he loves his kid's with all of his heart. I think he's a wonderful dad, and a wonderful man, and I would never stand in the way of him and his children.
Now, here's the killer part: I wonder if we did have kid's together, if he'd love them as much as he did his other kid's. I know it sounds stupid, but I do wonder if we did have a child together, would it be as special for him as it was for me. I don't have children, so for me, I would be experiencing everything for the first time, and he's done it all already.
Also, I wonder if it would effect his relationship with his children already. I mean, there is a lot going on with custordy with him and his ex, and as I mentioned in a previous post, there's issues going on there already. I don't wanna be the one who stand's in the way of him building a relationship with them, and spending time with them, but what if they hate me?. I haven't met them yet, but I know they don't think too highly of their dad at present (thank's to his ex) and I do wonder if they hated me, where Andrew's priorities would lie?.
I know, I would tell him to put his children first, but what if we had a child together?. What would he do?. I know, I worry too much. It's just in the past couple of day's, I have thought maybe a little too much about the 'what if's' of the situation's that may, or may not, happen in our future.
And, as I've also mentioned, I do wonder if the ex and her new partner, or my man's kids, will spoil our happiness by saying something, or doing something, to ruin our happiness, as they've already started doing. (the ex and her new man, not his kid's, but then again, by them ignoring him, they are making him unhappy, and angry and sad, so that is effecting our happiness) and I dunno, maybe i'm not strong enough to be a step mother.
I'd love to have a happy, friendly relationship with the girl's, but I know in my heart of heart's that is never gonna happen, and it's gonna feel like Andrew has 2 families, and I don't want my kids to have family that they don't know. I grew up like that, and I know how lonely that feel's like. I still don't feel like I properly know who I am.
Maybe I have to think long and hard about my future. And I do love Andrew very much, I just don't know if I'm the right woman to be in his life. It will break my heart if we did break up, but I am starting to think we need to have a talk.
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